Only suitable picture I could find

Now I try very hard to not be pessimistic. But today my friends I am feeling extra cynical and instead of making a poor life decision and eating my way through a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream tub, I figured I would write about it.

I can already assess the onslaught messages of “Lauren, don’t be ridiculous” that is coming on, but bear with me.

I was looking at a picture of myself, well SEVERAL pictures, and I was terrible disturbed by what I saw. I look bad, and I looked worse only a few months ago. I seemed to have hit a plateau, I am not loosing more weight, I am not gaining. I am just… there.  And it sucks you know?

When you are smaller, or naturally thin, you really don’t understand what it feels like to feel as though your very overweight presence disgusts people. I hate the rolls and the lumps, I hate that I can’t walk into a mall and just pick up what I want. Don’t get me wrong, I know even skinny people have issues with clothes and things they hate about their body, but let me try and explain what it is about being overweight that really stinks.

1.) You feel undeserving: We can be real right? I won’t offend anyone if I talk about sexuality? Ok imagine this: you are post pubescent and have never taken your shirt off for anything other then a shower or a clothes change. Suddenly a potential partner expresses interest in you. And they express this interest because they claim they are attracted to you, and hey you can accept that (you have a pretty face, nice eyes etc). Then the day comes where your relationship wants to move forward, and you are faced with the choice of sharing your body, your REAL body sans slimming jeans and push up bras. SCARY stuff.

2.) You Feel Gross and not just in the sense of sexuality; you feel sluggish. It is heart breaking going up stairs and being out of breathe.

3.) You Feel Guilty: every time you eat a piece of cake or even a corner of a brownie ou feel like you are betraying your body. It sucks not being able to celebrate a birthday or promotion guilt free. Plus you feel super weak when you give in, like you’re the prototypical fat kid that just can’t turn down the cakes.

There is a multitude of more reasons i could list but they are my top three. Sorry about being a weenie today.

Lauren

I soon may be freed from the contractual clutches of Lucille Roberts! Not that the gym isn’t wonderful , but their hours stink for my busy working schedule. I want to go to the gym, I mean I actually WANT to go, but I am poor and a lot of the gyms surrounding me are quite pricey for a membership. HOWEVER A Planet Fitness has arrived in our wonderful city! On the Boulevard (right next to Best Buy) a Planet Fitness opened its doors as the “Judgment Free Zone” where they promise you won’t find those “yeah mac- daddy!!” types (that was for all of your Preston and Steve Fans out there) grunting and hooting about how many thousands of LBs they can lift.

The best parts? IT IS ONLY $10 A MONTH! The second best part? IT IS OPEN 24 HRS A DAY MONDAY-THROUGH FRIDAY! How friggen’ sweet is that?

In other exciting news I went down two whole dress sizes! In shopping for a dress sadly for my wonderful, very much missed Aunt Flo’s funeral, I discovered dieting is paying off a bit. It is also worthy to note that my skinny jeans are now a itty-bitty bit baggy. I got it at Target, where in my personal opinion the sizes run a bit snug. I used to only be able to fit comfortably in an XXL but now, happily am in the L part of the world now. It is admittedly a little snug, but hey, it isn’t ghastly!

The truth is, I am not a nutritionist. The other truth is, I cannot afford a nutritionist’s co-pay. Solution? A new favorite website of course! Health Castle is a fantastic way to get nutritional information and diet planning advice. The site is written and sponsored by REAL M.D.’s to guide readers to healthy living and nutrition. The coolest thing about the site is that it isn’t just for weight-loss! They have fabulous tips and information on nutrition for pregnant women, people with diabetes, cancer victims and even tips for a gout diet.

However I will obviously be using the weight loss diet section for my help. I snagged this little gem off the website and I thought I’d share it with you all:

Top 4 Reasons Diets Fail

1. Something’s Missing
   Diets eliminating an entire food group (such as carbohydrates) and not using the full spectrum of My Pyramid are difficult to follow, and will likely lead to a slip. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, “Can I eat like this forever?” A successful diet should allow choices from all food groups in moderation, and be something that you can follow for the long term.

   The low calorie thing I am doing isn’t bad in terms of taste, it sucks in terms of time. Like seriously, how do you eat well when you have no time to cook?! However I think I am not doing to bad; I treat myself to a piece of candy or a sweet every now and them to remind myself I deserve little indulgence.
   

2. Going Low
   If you eat too few calories and are constantly hungry, you risk an eventual willpower blowout, leading to a major diet setback. Successful diets are adequate enough in calories so you don’t experience prolonged deep hunger, but low enough to allow for a moderate weight loss of 0.5-1 lb per week. Looking beyond weight loss, it’s also important to understand that consuming less than 1,200 calories per day for an extended period of time is never a good idea because it isn’t enough to give your body the nutrients it needs to function best.

   Uh YIKES! Keep in mind especially with my diet…

3. Diet. Period.
   If you’ve embarked on a weight loss regime, but have no plans to incorporate exercise, your weight loss will most likely hit a frustrating plateau. Adding exercise can keep you motivated to stick to your diet, even on the weeks when the scale won’t budge, since exercise can help you whittle off the inches. Regular exercise also increases the rate at which your body burns calories, helping you to see results faster than diet alone. Multiple research studies have concluded that the most successful diets include a combination of diet and exercise.

Dude, I need to start going to the gyms!

1. Friend or Foe?
   A 2007 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine suggests that those who surround themselves with overweight or obese family and friends are more likely to be overweight or obese themselves. The study found that a possible explanation for the conclusions may be that your sense of “normal” weight and eating behavior can be influenced by those around you. For example, if everyone close to you is overweight or obese, your opinion may be that being overweight or obese is normal, thus you may not be motivated to lose weight. For the best success, surround yourself with family and friends sensitive to your goal, and make a personal commitment to follow through on your plans. If you have overweight family or friends, why not make a group resolution to work together for better health?

Ah, this one, this one I have down to a science. I am so so, so very lucky to have the most supportive, loving and wonderful people around me helping me along my way. Really guys, you’re the best. I love you all so much, even if I don’t know you that well, for taking time to care about me.

Until next time!

**** UPDATE****

First off, sorry I fell off the blog wagon. With school, work and writing I have been SWAMPED with work and couldn’t update for the life of me. HOWEVER I have not fallen  off the diet wagon and guess what?! I LOST 17LBS since I last updated. Down to 206, thanks you very much!

 

In my lazy (a.k.a. happy) days of summer, I spent a great deal of time reading books with the T.V. on low in the background for some noise. While reading The Reformed Vampire Support Group (highly recommend, it is hilarious) I saw on VH1 they were re-running the “I Love the 90’s!” special. I put down my book and turned up the volume, and came in on the part where they were discussing low rider jeans making their first fashion appearance.

As a heavy girl, I distinctly remember when low rider jeans came on the scene, and how they were a freaking nightmare. I have an hourglass shape where my chest and hips are more enhanced than my middle section. Pre-low riders, my bulging lower section was usually concealed and help tight together by tight higher waist jeans. When the low rider came out, suddenly my softer, larger mid section was being split in half by VERY disproportionate waist band.

However on Vh1, one of the guests had a great comment. Instead of looking at the muffin top as a gross, fashion style, he proposes that it is a vote of confidence for all those big girls out there who love their curves an aren’t afraid to show them off! Go societial progress!

Bacon Alfredo Pizza-Wood Fire Style

Let’s face it, with a 32-40 hour work week, 6 classes, a rocking gig as a contributing writer to Philadelphia RowHome Magazine, spending time with amazing friends and getting alone time with my wonderful boyfriend, cooking is not exactly always an option.

So for the low calorie eater, snagging a cheese steak off of the lunch truck at Temple (hey, don’t knock it til you try it!) really is not an option. So in my recent dieting days I found that instant is a blessing in disguise.

Lean Cuisines are actually a fabulous way to keep healthy and eat tasty.  While you do have to watch the massive amounts of sodium, they usually hover from 220 calories to 390 calories. They have been a saving grace for work days and nights the family is eating pizza.

Lean Cuisine also is featuring a a section call success stories that highlights some dieter’s journey through using a lean cuisine only diet. Also they have nifty articles and tips columns like “Ask the Nutritionist” to help those on the lean path to complete their goals as safely and effectively as possible!

Here are some of my faves!

casual eating™

Spinach, tomatoes, bacon and reduced fat mozzarella cheese with a creamy alfredo sauce on a thin crust.

Fat – 9g
Calories – 320
Vitamin A – 8%DV
Calcium – 20%DV
Vitamin C – 4%DV
Dietary Fiber – 8%DV
Weight Watchers® Points® 7

Grilled Chicken & Penne Pasta

dinnertime selects™

chicken tenderloins, penne pasta and vegetables in a garlic herb sauce with a caramel apple dessert.

Fat – 4.5g
Calories – 330
Vitamin A – 35%DV
Calcium – 10%DV
Vitamin C – 90%DV
Dietary Fiber – 24%DV
Weight Watchers® Points® 6
Vegetable Servings

By the way, still 219lbs

Which is a BIG time surprise because I cheated a bit this week, it was my momma’s big 50th birthday which included a big delicious slice of chocolate chip cheesecake! It is going to be a slow process but I’ll get there!

F.Y.I. Dieting SUCKS.

However, it does not have to suck completely. Living the life of a dieter is a complete and total change in attitude and obviously eating habits. However, I swear I am wired to love food that is extremely unhealthy. A cheese burger will always kick a salds ass, not mater how I try to love that salad. Don’t get me wrong, salads are great- when they are loaded up with Ranch dressing and all of the tasty fixings!

So in the beginning weeks of my dieting I was perusing Target when I stumbled upon the “Hungry Girl Cook Book: 200 Recipes under 200 Calories.”

I picked it up and scanned through the recipes and sections. “What’s this?” I thought to myself . EGGS? CHEESE? BURGERS? COOKIES!?!?!

I immediately bought the book then headed to the food store. Since my sweet tooth is the biggest kink in my dieting plan, I decided to appease it first. After I assembled all of my new diet friendly alternative ingredients (Splenda, Wheat Flour, Diet Cocoa, etc)and began cooking.

So far I made:

Raspberry Cupcakes

Funky Monkey Squares

Chocolate Chip Softies:

Can you say freakin’ Delicious?!?!

All of these tast treats really do taste like the real thing. I can’t wait to try a dinner recipe! Hungry Girl also offers a free email service that sends you daily tip and recipes. most of their recipes are even on their website for the frugal college dieter!

 http://thetrendsetter.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/crystal26.jpg

First of all, thank you all so, so much for the words of encouragement. This will not be easy, this will probably get ugly at times and I am sure there will be atleast a hundred times where I will want to quit. You all have the “responsibility” of keeping me in check!

Those of you that know me, and I mean know, know me, are aware I am a sarcastic, candid type of girl in real life. I have received several emails and personal FACEBOOK messages that expressed encouragements but worried over the methods and reasons behind my dieting exhibition. Let me make it clear that I am so grateful that people who didn’t talk to me for years have surfaced to ask if I am ok or lend an sncouraging word. You are the inspiration for the post.

Dieting is not something a person can randomly decide one day. If it is to be done properly, like anything, you have to research it. We are all different shapes and body types that do not require the same methodology of treatments to be a healthier person. I am not saying my method is the best, and I can hardly say that I went to a doctor to discuss my problem, but this is a personal account of dieting, to keep me in check and to bounce ideas off of friends and family. So let it be known I am not taking responsibility for any discrepancies regarding my diet. You cannot sue me 20 years from now if what I do didn’t work for you.

Also, I truly hope that you, the reader, know that I am not doing this to appease society. Yes, it is true that body image is focused on heavily in the USA, but did you know that being overweight leads to several conditions like heart disease and an increased risk factor of developing diabetes? See both of those diseases are rampant in my genes and my weight is not helping. I don’t want to shorten my life because I wanted that extra Tasty-Kake.

But let’s be honest here, looking nice in a bikini would fee great too. If you are 249 lbs and are satisfied with your body,love your curves and everything about you, AND are still making positive healthy choices then PLEASE-don’t drop a pound! I am not saying that everyone should be thin. I just know that sometimes after I put a bagel loaded with cream cheese in my mouth, I can feel my heart slowing down, and heythat’s not good! Also I don’t know if you have experienced this in your lifetime, but my whole life-WHOLE LIFE- people have been kind enough to accept me but some have been hateful enough to exclude me because of weight. The self righteousness in you is going to say “who cares what they think” but when a customer won’t get in your line because you are “too fat to ring him up” (yes, TRUE story) or refer to you as a fat “it” (YES true story) it may not be as easy for you to discard other people’s opinions of you.

That being said I am continuing my journey to self- improvement in the right frame of mind.

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/g/getting_weighed.asp

I believe the last time I updated you, I informed you that I was 226 lbs. Well, after a few weeks, and more laps around Temple University’s basketball court then I had EVER cared to do, I decided to step on the Scale.

So this was it, me and my bathroom scale. This small, square piece of plastic would either ruin or make my day. I stood there and stared down at this torture device, it’s digital meter flashing a taunting “0.0 lbs” just daring me to step on and triple that amount with a single step. I took a deep breathe and rose to the challenge, placing two firm feet on the emotional torture device scale, head hung low, pupils dilated, awaiting its response…

225.1 lbs. “WHAT!!!!!” I screamed out loud. This is impossible…weeks of denying myself cheese and chocolate all for one lousy stupid pound. No, this could not be the truth.

I took stock of  myself… what did I do wrong? I looked in the mirror and began that self-deprecating process of scrutinizing ever lump or trace of cellulite. As I worked my eyes down to my hips, I was startled and smiled.

I also called myself a huge idiot. In my haste to get the scale experience over with I had completely forgotten about my jeans… and the huge black studded belt strapped around my waist. I promptly discarded my clothes and gave myself a redemption weigh in and (drum roll pleeeeeease)

219 LBS!!!

Ok so it’s not a miracle weigh in but 7 lbs pounds gone is a start right ?

Only 63 lbs to go!

Currently I am a senior at Temple University on the brink of having a B.A. in Journalism and Communications. Since i am a senior it is the official time to take classes that are fail proof grade wise. So, as I looked at the array of classes I could take I stumbled upon Fencing. I figured it could be a useful skill if I was ever caught on a pirate ship and needed to sword fight my way out of danger (no for real, this is what my tuition is for).

Anyway, I figured Fencing is a sport for all shapes and sizes, one where I won’t have to run (I LOATHE running) and it’d be a way to expand the “fun-fact” section in my life’s tale. My very knowledgeable Bradley, whom from now on I will affectionately refer to him as “B-rad,” is an intense fencer. He is so intense in fact that he believes 4-7 laps around a basketball court is a great way to kick off a day of fencing. After that we do countless foot work drills that work up a heck of a sweat, which is especially true for someone that can barely tell her right from her left!

I immediately thought of dropping the class.

However, that was the inner part of the fat-girl speaking. Exercise was not originally part of the plan, so I immediately ruled it  out since I had seen this diet work without exercise. If I am going to dedicate myself to this, I gotta do it the right way. So gym, here I come!

Me now

My name is Lauren Maria Gordon, and I am fat.

Weight: 226lbs

Height: 5′5″

Age: 21

Goal: Loose 70lbs by September 2, 2010

It never took long for me to admit that I am fat; in fact I obsessively destructively remind myself of that every day.  I have made countless excuses, have tried and failed at countless attempts to work out and eat healthy, and have cried countless times over the social pressure to be thin.

In spite of (or maybe because of? who knows) my  weight I am growing up, getting promoted, getting published but most of all still retaining a two-year-long a healthy and wonderful relationship with a man who finds my curves sexy. I realized I can blame society for my guilt and self hatred or I can blame myself, for not taking action.

So, here I stand sit before a computer screen vowing to myself and you, whoever you are that I am no longer going to be a yoyo dieter, I am no longer going to wallow in any self pity and I am NO LONGER going to be fat.

The plan is to eat less, eat smart and do so in a way that will promote a healthier me instead of just a sinnier me. No crash dieting, just the slow, painful process of loosing a large amount of weight.

To reach this goal, I have for the past two weeks decided that counting calories is the best way to do this. A friend of mine has lost over 50lbs (wooo meg!) on this diet and at one time we had a very similar build. To reach this goal only 1,000 calories will be consumed until i actually get to working out, which then I should consume about 1,200-1,500 calories a day. my guide thus far is The Calorie King booklet which gives helpful tips and counts calories in food found even in restaurant dishes!

I am not doint this to appease society, I am not doing this to write a crappy self praising memoir. I am simply going to share my struggles and hopeful victories in the battle to become a healthier me. I figure if I post my weight every day, if I share my daily obstacles I will no longer back down and blame my next eating binge on my period. I have a plan and I know the plan will work.

So heres to me, let the adventure begin.